Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
