my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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