I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dignity is for republicans.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
