Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
