Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
