So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
