mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do herpes really smell.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
