i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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