I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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