we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
