Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
