Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
