READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
