dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
