Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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