you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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