can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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