He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
