And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
