Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize