lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
