i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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