Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
