ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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