dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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