I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
