Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
