I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was like eating out sand paper
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
