I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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