Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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