I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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