I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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