and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
