we're blogging at a bar
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
