Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
