Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
