I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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