I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
