I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
