ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
