The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
