Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
