Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
