I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
