Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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