After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
