I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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