You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
