Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
