I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
