She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
