It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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