big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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