Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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