So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
