Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
