Im at strip club and am horny
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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