I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
