you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
