i permit you to call me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize