So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
