just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
