oh god the rape fog is back!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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